People in love make me want to vomit
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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