There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
