I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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