my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize