Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
