I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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