we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
