here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize