That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
