I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
