yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
