He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize