So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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