8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
