Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
