I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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