you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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