Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
