hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
