my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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