shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
