Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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