matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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