how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
this will be a night to untag.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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