This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize