Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
