...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
