I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
