there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
