he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
