Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
