I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Four minutes until I can fart!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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