Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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