Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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