I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
