Heybabeimwearingurpanties
one might say we're banned from that church
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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