Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
