Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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