no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
