you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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