Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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