Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
