aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
