nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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