Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
