Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
