Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
