I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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