I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
