I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
