Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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