my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
