I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
