Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
