I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
