Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
