Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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