Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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