She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
