We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
