He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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