She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
