i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
