i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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