There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
