He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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