Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
